How to write the perfect message for online dating

This makes a certain sense: You might think that words like gorgeous , beautiful , and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:. The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out.

First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs

We took a close look at salutations. The more informal standard greetings: There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie , band , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes! Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works.

Now it might seem strange to say that after we just told you to use correct grammar, but messages that start off with Hello or Hi come across as run of the mill and perhaps a bit boring.

Exactly What To Say In A First Message

So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move. You could always spruce it up a bit and go with a foreign greeting, but make sure you know what it means otherwise you could come off looking like a bit of a Del boy. While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply shallowness.

Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately. Better to focus on interests, or even better, common interests.

There’s more to it than you think

Talking about your own interests can give the recipient a good idea of what you are like. Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge favour and simply ask one. I know this is not marketing school but, like a marketer, you are trying to reel someone in. And just like an ad agency makes a call to action, you can too, by simply asking about an interest or even suggesting a dinner date. Unless you are actively seeking a partner of a specific faith, then it is probably a good idea to leave out any religious words in your first message.

Religion is always a bit of a minefield in the dating game and you really need to be careful not to offend anyone or risk being offended yourself. I actually looked it up just to be sure. Please continue to be a conscientious dater and instruct others. I have single friends out there who would like to find a good one.

11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses

I hope I spelled that long word right. But when I do, I delete that shit with the quickness. Remember that time I messaged you on okcupid and I told you to get hit by a bus? Oh dear, if only this had been posted before I quit online dating. Your messages were really good Steve, thoughtful and sounds like you took the time to tell them stuff you have in common. You will find a great girl, I know it!


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I totally agree with your advice Steve. They all are interesting and the ones I choose would seem cool-only if they would respond! I guess the only flaw is that you should ask at most 2 questions. Your site is funny and true, btw. You may not realize it, but you have at least one spelling or grammar error on each of your messages. You want to sound fun, not formulaic. You have an MBA, right? Online dating is an exercise in marketing. What is your target demographic? What are their needs? What does your brand have to offer? I never even reply to those either….

I have done this Steve… And I believe I have done this very well. I get no responses from the Ladies I try to converse with. Although I have received some very interesting responses to my profile. But it seems my appeal for those ladies commenting on my profile is just not there.

How to Write Your First Online Dating Message

But why do I attract the hunchbacks of notre dame? Love your site man but you are trying too hard. The bottom line is no matter how creative you are the woman wants to see what you look like and how tall you are. Even if you pass those requirements you have to message her first and it does not matter what you say.


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Shallow yes but women are no different. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.